you're not overthinking, they're under delivering
Here's a link to the video on YouTube if you'd prefer to listen/watch over reading.
Why It’s Not Overthinking: Sometimes People Just Under-Deliver
Let's sit down and have a real chat today. I’m about to ruffle a few feathers and, honestly? Good. Because some of you have been gaslit into believing your high standards, expectations, and attention to detail make you a problem. Spoiler alert: the problem isn’t you—it’s them.
You’ve probably heard it all before:
- "You’re just overthinking."
- "You’re too picky."
- "Can’t you just let it go?"
And sure, there are times when our minds can spiral into unproductive loops, imagining scenarios that aren’t even there. But let’s be real—sometimes it’s not about overthinking at all. It’s about people showing up half-heartedly, offering bare minimums, and expecting you to settle for scraps.
Let’s break it down, because this isn’t just about being self-aware. It’s about recognizing that when you demand more, you’re not being *too much*. You’re expecting what’s fair. And yes, it’s okay to call people out for under-delivering.
---
1. Let’s Talk About Standards, not “Overthinking”
Society loves to slap labels on women who have high standards. “Difficult.” “Demanding.” “Overthinker.” But let me ask you this: Is it overthinking to want your friend to show up on time after she swore this time, she’d be punctual? Is it being “too much” to expect your coworker to pull their weight when they’re literally paid to do so?
No. It’s called **having standards**.
Here’s the thing:
- High standards don’t mean you’re nitpicking.
- They mean you value quality—whether that’s in relationships, work, or even how someone texts you back.
People who under-deliver love to paint you as the villain when they can’t meet those standards. But let’s flip the narrative for a second: What if *their lack of effort* is the real issue?
---
2. The Overthinking Label Is Lazy
Think about how the term “overthinking” is used. Nine times out of ten, it’s a way for someone to dodge accountability.
Example time:
- You tell your partner, “Hey, I feel like you’re not really present during our conversations.”
- Instead of saying, “You’re right, I’ve been distracted,” they hit you with: “You’re just overthinking it.”
Sound familiar? The “overthinking” label often shifts blame back onto you, making you feel like the problem. It minimizes your valid concerns and derails the conversation. And trust me, that’s not you-problem—it’s a *them* problem.
---
3. Why Some People Under-Deliver
Now, let’s talk about why this happens. Why are some people out here giving 60% when they know the assignment calls for 100%?
a) They’ve Gotten Away with It Before
If someone has been coasting through life without being held accountable, they’ll keep under-delivering. Why? Because it’s easy.
- The flaky friend who’s always late but gets away with it because “that’s just who they are.”
- The coworker who does the least but somehow gets credit for the group’s success.
They’ve learned that people will tolerate the bare minimum, so they keep giving it.
b) They Assume You’ll Pick Up the Slack
Let’s not sugarcoat it—some people are just straight-up opportunistic. They’ll under-deliver because they know you’re reliable.
- That friend who forgets to plan the dinner but knows you’ll step in last minute to book a table.
- The partner who doesn’t bother organizing date night because you’ll “figure something out.”
It’s not that they *can’t* do better—it’s that they choose not to because they know you will.
c) They’re Afraid of Effort
Look, some people are terrified of hard work or emotional labor. They’ll dodge it at all costs, even if it means letting you down. It’s not personal—it’s laziness.
But just because it’s not personal doesn’t mean you have to excuse it.
---
4. How This Affects Your Mental Health
Here’s the real kicker: constantly dealing with people who under-deliver can seriously mess with your head.
- Self-Doubt: You start questioning yourself. “Am I being too much? Should I lower my expectations?” No, queen. You’re not the problem.
- Emotional Exhaustion: Chasing people to meet the bare minimum is exhausting. It drains you emotionally and mentally.
- Resentment: Over time, this leads to built-up resentment, which poisons your relationships and peace of mind.
This is why it’s crucial to recognize when the issue isn’t your overthinking but someone else’s underperformance.
---
5. Spotting the Signs of Under-Delivery
Not sure if someone’s under-delivering or if you’re overthinking? Here’s a checklist:
- Patterns Over Time: Is this a one-time slip-up, or do they consistently fail to meet expectations?
- Excuses vs. Accountability: Do they own up to their mistakes, or do they deflect and blame you for “overreacting”?
- Your Gut Feeling: Does it feel like you’re always bending over backward while they coast?
If you answered “yes” to most of these, it’s not overthinking—it’s their under-delivery.
---
6. What to Do When People Under-Deliver
Alright, so you’ve identified the culprits. Now what?
a) Communicate Clearly
Call them out—politely but firmly. Be direct about what you expected and how they fell short.
Example: “Hey, I noticed you didn’t follow through on [specific task]. Is everything okay, or do we need to talk about expectations moving forward?”
b) Set Boundaries
Boundaries are your best friend. Let people know what’s acceptable and what isn’t.
- “If you can’t commit to being on time, I’ll go ahead without you.”
- “I need you to pull your weight on this project, or I’ll need to escalate the issue.”
c) Stop Overcompensating
Here’s the hard truth: when you overcompensate for someone else’s lack of effort, you’re enabling them. Step back and let them face the consequences of their actions.
d) Reassess the Relationship
Sometimes, people who consistently under-deliver aren’t worth your time or energy. And that’s okay.
---
7. Why You Should Keep Your High Standards
Let’s end this with a pep talk because, girl, you need to keep those standards high.
Here’s why:
1. You Deserve Better: You’re not being picky; you’re protecting your peace and energy.
2. It Inspires Growth: When you hold people accountable, you push them to grow. It’s tough love, but it’s still love.
3. It Attracts Excellence: High standards attract people who respect you and value quality.
You’re not “too much” for expecting effort, care, and accountability. And if someone thinks you are? That says more about them than it does about you.
---
Final Thoughts
So, the next time someone accuses you of overthinking, pause and ask yourself: Are you really overthinking, or are they just under-delivering? Most of the time, you’ll find it’s the latter. And when that happens, remember—it’s okay to speak up. It’s okay to demand better. And it’s more than okay to walk away when someone consistently falls short.
Because you, my love, are not too much. You are just enough. And you deserve people who meet you at your level, not ones who make you feel like you need to lower it.
Stay bold. Stay brilliant. And never, ever apologize for expecting the best.
Let's sit down and have a real chat today. I’m about to ruffle a few feathers and, honestly? Good. Because some of you have been gaslit into believing your high standards, expectations, and attention to detail make you a problem. Spoiler alert: the problem isn’t you—it’s them.
You’ve probably heard it all before:
- "You’re just overthinking."
- "You’re too picky."
- "Can’t you just let it go?"
And sure, there are times when our minds can spiral into unproductive loops, imagining scenarios that aren’t even there. But let’s be real—sometimes it’s not about overthinking at all. It’s about people showing up half-heartedly, offering bare minimums, and expecting you to settle for scraps.
Let’s break it down, because this isn’t just about being self-aware. It’s about recognizing that when you demand more, you’re not being *too much*. You’re expecting what’s fair. And yes, it’s okay to call people out for under-delivering.
---
1. Let’s Talk About Standards, not “Overthinking”
Society loves to slap labels on women who have high standards. “Difficult.” “Demanding.” “Overthinker.” But let me ask you this: Is it overthinking to want your friend to show up on time after she swore this time, she’d be punctual? Is it being “too much” to expect your coworker to pull their weight when they’re literally paid to do so?
No. It’s called **having standards**.
Here’s the thing:
- High standards don’t mean you’re nitpicking.
- They mean you value quality—whether that’s in relationships, work, or even how someone texts you back.
People who under-deliver love to paint you as the villain when they can’t meet those standards. But let’s flip the narrative for a second: What if *their lack of effort* is the real issue?
---
2. The Overthinking Label Is Lazy
Think about how the term “overthinking” is used. Nine times out of ten, it’s a way for someone to dodge accountability.
Example time:
- You tell your partner, “Hey, I feel like you’re not really present during our conversations.”
- Instead of saying, “You’re right, I’ve been distracted,” they hit you with: “You’re just overthinking it.”
Sound familiar? The “overthinking” label often shifts blame back onto you, making you feel like the problem. It minimizes your valid concerns and derails the conversation. And trust me, that’s not you-problem—it’s a *them* problem.
---
3. Why Some People Under-Deliver
Now, let’s talk about why this happens. Why are some people out here giving 60% when they know the assignment calls for 100%?
a) They’ve Gotten Away with It Before
If someone has been coasting through life without being held accountable, they’ll keep under-delivering. Why? Because it’s easy.
- The flaky friend who’s always late but gets away with it because “that’s just who they are.”
- The coworker who does the least but somehow gets credit for the group’s success.
They’ve learned that people will tolerate the bare minimum, so they keep giving it.
b) They Assume You’ll Pick Up the Slack
Let’s not sugarcoat it—some people are just straight-up opportunistic. They’ll under-deliver because they know you’re reliable.
- That friend who forgets to plan the dinner but knows you’ll step in last minute to book a table.
- The partner who doesn’t bother organizing date night because you’ll “figure something out.”
It’s not that they *can’t* do better—it’s that they choose not to because they know you will.
c) They’re Afraid of Effort
Look, some people are terrified of hard work or emotional labor. They’ll dodge it at all costs, even if it means letting you down. It’s not personal—it’s laziness.
But just because it’s not personal doesn’t mean you have to excuse it.
---
4. How This Affects Your Mental Health
Here’s the real kicker: constantly dealing with people who under-deliver can seriously mess with your head.
- Self-Doubt: You start questioning yourself. “Am I being too much? Should I lower my expectations?” No, queen. You’re not the problem.
- Emotional Exhaustion: Chasing people to meet the bare minimum is exhausting. It drains you emotionally and mentally.
- Resentment: Over time, this leads to built-up resentment, which poisons your relationships and peace of mind.
This is why it’s crucial to recognize when the issue isn’t your overthinking but someone else’s underperformance.
---
5. Spotting the Signs of Under-Delivery
Not sure if someone’s under-delivering or if you’re overthinking? Here’s a checklist:
- Patterns Over Time: Is this a one-time slip-up, or do they consistently fail to meet expectations?
- Excuses vs. Accountability: Do they own up to their mistakes, or do they deflect and blame you for “overreacting”?
- Your Gut Feeling: Does it feel like you’re always bending over backward while they coast?
If you answered “yes” to most of these, it’s not overthinking—it’s their under-delivery.
---
6. What to Do When People Under-Deliver
Alright, so you’ve identified the culprits. Now what?
a) Communicate Clearly
Call them out—politely but firmly. Be direct about what you expected and how they fell short.
Example: “Hey, I noticed you didn’t follow through on [specific task]. Is everything okay, or do we need to talk about expectations moving forward?”
b) Set Boundaries
Boundaries are your best friend. Let people know what’s acceptable and what isn’t.
- “If you can’t commit to being on time, I’ll go ahead without you.”
- “I need you to pull your weight on this project, or I’ll need to escalate the issue.”
c) Stop Overcompensating
Here’s the hard truth: when you overcompensate for someone else’s lack of effort, you’re enabling them. Step back and let them face the consequences of their actions.
d) Reassess the Relationship
Sometimes, people who consistently under-deliver aren’t worth your time or energy. And that’s okay.
---
7. Why You Should Keep Your High Standards
Let’s end this with a pep talk because, girl, you need to keep those standards high.
Here’s why:
1. You Deserve Better: You’re not being picky; you’re protecting your peace and energy.
2. It Inspires Growth: When you hold people accountable, you push them to grow. It’s tough love, but it’s still love.
3. It Attracts Excellence: High standards attract people who respect you and value quality.
You’re not “too much” for expecting effort, care, and accountability. And if someone thinks you are? That says more about them than it does about you.
---
Final Thoughts
So, the next time someone accuses you of overthinking, pause and ask yourself: Are you really overthinking, or are they just under-delivering? Most of the time, you’ll find it’s the latter. And when that happens, remember—it’s okay to speak up. It’s okay to demand better. And it’s more than okay to walk away when someone consistently falls short.
Because you, my love, are not too much. You are just enough. And you deserve people who meet you at your level, not ones who make you feel like you need to lower it.
Stay bold. Stay brilliant. And never, ever apologize for expecting the best.
---
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