you're not intimidating - they're intimidated

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Let’s talk about something that’s been weighing on my mind—and probably yours too. You know that feeling when someone says, “Oh, you’re so intimidating,” and you’re just standing there like, Really? Intimidating? Me?

Let me tell you something straight up: it’s not that you’re intimidating. It’s that they’re intimidated. There’s a huge difference, and I’m going to break it down for you because this is a mindset shift we all need to embrace.

First of all, let’s define what’s really going on here. When people say you’re intimidating, they’re projecting their own insecurities onto you. Think about it: intimidation isn’t an action. It’s a reaction. You didn’t walk in with a neon sign that says, “Be scared of me.” You just showed up as your confident, self-assured self. Maybe you’re ambitious, maybe you know what you want, or maybe you’ve just mastered the art of not dimming your light to make others comfortable. That can feel overwhelming to people who haven’t quite figured themselves out yet.

And that’s not your problem.

Now, let’s break this down with some facts. Studies show that people perceive confidence as power. And power? Well, it can make some folks uncomfortable, especially if they’re not secure in their own skin. Think about it: how often do we see women being told to “tone it down”? Whether it’s in the workplace, in relationships, or even just on social media, there’s always this unspoken pressure to be less so others can feel like more.

But here’s the tea: being confident and self-assured doesn’t make you intimidating. It makes you a mirror. When people look at you, they see the qualities they wish they had—drive, determination, and, most importantly, self-respect. That reflection can be a little hard for some people to face.

Let’s be real for a second: society has conditioned people—especially women—to equate being likable with being agreeable, humble, and small. But being likable and being authentic are not the same thing. When you walk into a room unapologetically, you’re rewriting that narrative. And yes, some people are going to misinterpret it. But that’s their issue to work through, not yours.

You might hear things like, “You’re too much,” or “You’re too intense.” Those comments? They’re just code for, “You’re making me feel insecure.” It’s not that you’re too much; it’s that they don’t know how to handle someone who doesn’t shrink themselves to fit into a box.

Now, let’s talk about how to own this without letting it get to you. Because let’s be honest, being labeled as “intimidating” can sting sometimes. No one wants to feel like they’re scaring people off just by existing. But here’s how you flip the script:

Take it as a compliment.
If someone says you’re intimidating, what they’re really saying is, “You have qualities that I find powerful.” Whether it’s your ambition, your confidence, or the way you carry yourself, they see something in you that stands out. That’s not a bad thing—it’s a sign you’re doing something right.

Remember, their perception is not your responsibility.
You can’t control how other people feel about you. All you can do is show up as your authentic self. If someone chooses to be intimidated, that’s on them. Don’t waste your energy trying to make yourself smaller to make them feel better.

Use it to filter out the noise.
Not everyone is going to vibe with you, and that’s okay. The right people—the ones who are secure, self-aware, and confident—will see you for who you are, not how you make them feel about themselves. The people who are intimidated? They’re probably not meant to be in your inner circle anyway.

Here’s another thing to think about: when you embrace your confidence and stop apologizing for it, you give other people permission to do the same. You’re setting an example, whether you realize it or not. Someone out there is watching you and thinking, “Wow, she’s not afraid to be herself. Maybe I don’t have to be either.”

And isn’t that kind of the goal? To live so authentically that you inspire others to do the same?

I want to leave you with this: Being labeled as “intimidating” is not a flaw. It’s not something you need to fix or change. It’s a sign that you’re standing tall in a world that often tries to cut people down. So next time someone tells you that you’re intimidating, don’t flinch. Just smile and say, “Or maybe you’re just intimidated.” Then keep doing you, unapologetically.

Because at the end of the day, you’re not here to make everyone comfortable. You’re here to take up space, live boldly, and shine bright. And if that makes some people uncomfortable? Well, that’s just the price of being unapologetically you.

So, here’s your homework: Stop doubting yourself when someone labels you as “too much.” Start seeing it for what it really is—a reflection of their limitations, not yours. You’re not intimidating, babe. You’re a force to be reckoned with. And that’s a beautiful thing.

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